Being Sheep

"I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep."John 10:14-15

Monday, August 27, 2012


It shouldn't surprise me anymore. I should know to expect it. But it still catches me off-guard. I want to believe that when the amazing happens, it means we've turned a corner. That things will be better from now on.

And the truth is, amazing things are happening. But for every amazing, there is retaliation. For every time of wonderful bonding, there's "Will you still love me if....?"

Last night while I was folding laundry on the couch, little N came over to me, placed his head on my lap and said, "I want my mommy."

Oh, my! Of course I couldn't turn that down!

So I pulled him into my lap. He snuggled right in to me. And I mean really snuggled. I held him close, kissed his head, rubbed his arms and legs. And he only wanted more. I rubbed his back, he asked me to rub his belly.

He let me. I kept gently massaging his skin and I asked one of my other boys to bring the lotion. I rubbed lotion into his dry skin (something he has hated since day one), and I cuddled him close.

He wanted me, and only me. He just kept on cuddling, molding his body to mine, burrowing his face into me. He didn't want to stop.

It was beautiful. And amazing. And peaceful.

It lasted about an hour.

Then this morning we had almost two hours of violent raging.

As I said, I know to expect it, but it still surprised me a bit. I am hopeful though--hopeful that healing is happening, however slow it may be.

I am confident we are doing the right thing.

Two steps forward, one step back. That's still progress! 

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