Being Sheep

"I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep."John 10:14-15

Monday, October 15, 2012

One of those days

It was one of those days. A day that I could barely keep my head above water. A miserable day.

My two older (home schooled) boys spent the night at a friend's last night and then the friend's mom brought them all to their art class this morning. It was a huge blessing to me that they could go to art class without me dragging N along, getting there on time, then trying to entertain N for the 2 hours the older boys were in class.

I had visions of a lovely morning; just me and my little guy. I made a grocery list so we could get the shopping done first thing, then we were going to play together and just have a nice relaxing morning since I didn't have to worry about school for the other kids.

But instead of shopping, I spent most of the morning holding a raging little boy. It started when he didn't want to go potty. Then he didn't want to get dressed or eat breakfast. Then he looked straight at me and dumped his entire bowl of cheerios on the floor. Then screamed the entire time I cleaned it up. Then screamed even more when I said we were not going to the store. I did not want to bring him in public in his very unregulated state!

He spent over an hour screaming about not going to the store. He eventually calmed down and politely asked to watch a show, which I allowed. But as soon as the show was over he screamed again for over an hour because the show was over, because he wanted daddy, because he wanted to go to the store.... and so on.

About 10 minutes before lunch he calmed down, then was able to eat lunch happily with us. After a long nap, he awoke in still a bad mood and screamed some more over random things.

I was exhausted. I managed to get dinner on the table, and wrote out a grocery list for my husband (he's awesome!) who offered to take N with him to get the grocery shopping done.

As discouraging as today was, I remember back about 2 years ago. N would scream for 3 or 4 hours each night, waking up many times. He'd then scream for another 3 or 4 hours during each day, taking 30 or more minutes to fall asleep for a nap each time. Nothing we did helped, no one had any suggestions other than to keep doing the bonding/attachment stuff we were doing with him. We felt helpless and hopeless.

I'm amazed that today--a day of only about 3-4 hours of screaming, is a rare day. Lately most tantrums last only 10-15 minutes at their longest, and many of Karyn Purvis' trust-based parenting techniques work well to stop a tantrum from escalating further.

So I will choose to rejoice in healing. I will rejoice in improvements. I will rejoice that he likes me now, even loves me, and that we're able to handle days like today.

I pray that God continues to heal this little guy's heart. He needs peace.


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