Being Sheep

"I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep."John 10:14-15

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Try Again! (Empowered to Connect 2)

My disclaimer: everything I write is based on my experience with my son. Some of the things we are doing or have done may work for others and their child(ren), but some things won't. Obviously all kids are different and are going to respond differently! I highly encourage anyone with a child from a "hard place" to do your own research and talk with a professional if necessary. Here is a good place to start.

My little N immediately responds to something he doesn't like with either violence or screaming. Of course, they do usually go together....

"Can I play Lego Rockband?"

"Yes, you can--right after your nap!"

"I WANT IT NOW!!!" (Insert screaming, hitting, throwing, etc.)

We have that conversation a million times a day. We try to say yes as much as possible to what he asks for (another Trust-Based Parenting technique), but there are some things I can't agree to right then. If I do agree to let him play the Wii for 15 minutes or a half hour or whatever, he'll throw the same fit when he's done as he'd throw if I'd said no. Which makes the day very difficult. And long.

So anyway, one of the things Karyn Purvis recommends is to have kids try it again. If you ask them to come and they don't, then they can try it again.

"N, can you come here?"


"Oh, let's try that again. What do you say when Mama asks you to come? You say, 'Ok, Mom!' So let's try it!

"N, can you come here?"

"Ok, Mom!"

Now of course there are often times when we have many minutes of screaming/raging before we can accomplish a re-do, but we're trying to be very consistent about re-doing every single time it's necessary.

Responds with screaming? Re-do from the beginning. Starts hitting? Re-do from the beginning. ("We use our nice words, not hitting.") Grabs a toy or book from his brother? Re-do from the beginning.

And ya know what? Since we've been so consistent about it for the last few weeks, his behavior is much better. At first it was awful; I felt like we were constantly doing re-do's, and when we weren't, N was screaming because he didn't want to! But he's starting to realize that he gets his way much faster when he simply uses his kind words, and often I only have to remind him once or twice to try it again.

We're getting there. One teeny tiny baby step at a time. :)

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