Being Sheep

"I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep."John 10:14-15

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Delight

I delighted in my baby boy this week. We are in the second week of our new therapy. Tomorrow (Wednesday), we have one occupational therapy session, then we drive an hour to our attachment therapy session, then go home.

Monday morning was horrible. I was trying to get school done with Alex and David, finish packing for me and Nathan, and get everything ready for me being gone. But there was screaming all morning. All. Morning. It wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been, but it was bad. Made worse because I knew I was about to take him out of town for two nights. By myself.

I was rather depressed, anxious, and discouraged. I finally left for therapy (a bit early in the hopes he'd fall asleep in the car and then be done screaming. That backfired when he just woke up screaming and we got to therapy 30 minutes early.). We had an awesome therapy session. It ended with him cuddled right with me eating a sucker. It seriously was great. We headed to our hotel and had a "picnic" supper on the floor: sandwiches and soup. Nathan was sweet, loving, and absolutely adorable.

And in the pool I just... delighted in him. Delight is the best word I can come up with. He was so happy, and not a frantic and anxious happiness, but a genuine "I'm happy to be here, and I'm happy to be with my mom" happiness. We swam, we played, we giggled. It was amazing.

And so I have hope. Hope that things will continue to get better, hope that more healing will occur. Hope that this therapy and all the craziness it brings is not in vain.

It's a wonderful feeling to be able to completely delight in my son. I know we will still have more days like Monday, but I'm going to cherish the happy times, and delight in knowing that there are more happy times to come. 

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